Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
