he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
