I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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