I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
