I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
