I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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