70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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