Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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