I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
