MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
