If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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