If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
