Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
