WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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