I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
