4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
