He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
