I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
