you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
