Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Blood and glitter go together right?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
