I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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