Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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