Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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