wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
