I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
