I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
how does that bad decision feel?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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