you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
