Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
