i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
