HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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