Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
