Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
