have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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