Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
