I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
