There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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