It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
