Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
