My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
