i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
