I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
