God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
