Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Randomize
