I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
