as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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