That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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