Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
