Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
