lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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