all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
