just come out here and I will go home with you...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
