News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
