you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
40s are totally the cure
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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