Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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