I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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