Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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