You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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