i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
